Changing Conversations: How to Talk to Parents with Dementia

Communicating with someone who has diminishing verbal ability can be difficult; when that person is a parent who is now in a reversed role, it can be more so. Talking to parents with dementia requires much love and patience. But there is no reason you can’t maintain the respect for them you always had. Be kind and reassuring without talking down to them as though they were a child. Here are seven tips:

1. Keep calling them “Dad, Mom, Pop, Mami′,” not “honey, baby girl, sweetheart.” Well-meaning people may believe new terms of endearment make their loved one feel comfort, but often it makes them feel infantilized.

2. Ask yes or no questions, not open-ended questions—No: What would you like to do today? Yes: Would you like to go to the pizza parlor?

3. Listen with sensitivity. Especially in early stages, talking to parents with dementia can be distressing, because they may express much anxiety about the future. Although it may be difficult to hear, don’t try to minimize it. This would also be a good time to reassure them you will always be there.

4. If what they are trying to communicate seems garbled, try to understand the meaning behind it. Are they expressing strong emotion? Keep in mind that dementia affects the thinking and reasoning part of the brain, but it does not take away their feelings.  Sudden anger, sadness, excitement, or fear can make it harder for them to find words.

5. Make the most of a “good day.” When talking to parents with dementia, you will realize some days they will be sharper than others. Take this opportunity to enjoy a conversation about shared interests or topics you’ve visited regularly throughout your life together. People with dementia often remember things from the distant past more easily than things that happened that morning.

6. When explaining complex things, it’s best to go to a quiet place where there is little distraction. Break down long explanations into short segments that are easier to understand.

7. Above all, be positive and encouraging. Finally, when talking to parents with dementia, keep in mind that their diminishing ability can make them become self-critical and lose self-esteem. Praise their accomplishments and remind them how important they are to you.

We at Mayberry Gardens enjoy learning about our residents’ lives and histories so we can keep them active in conversation. Our Memory Care staff can help you make the most of your visits with your loved ones. Please contact us for information. We look forward to helping you.